Visit to the Twilight Zone....

Actually, it was the dentist, but it was the most bizarre dental appointment that it almost felt like a Twilight Zone or X-Files episode. An experience that is definately blog-worthy.

Finding a new dentist can be a scary experience. You are giving your mouth over to complete strangers to poke and prod as they please, only to tell you that you have tarter or, heaven forbid, a cavity! As long as I don't hear the words 'root canal', I should be able to survive. This time around, however, I left the office wondering if I would find myself being beamed up to another realm in the middle of the night or receiving secret coded messages through my fillings in the coming weeks.

I arrived at the dentist office a little before 3:30 p.m. and filled out all the new patient paperwork that was required. I then waited for an hour before they called me into the back. To pass the time I read the most brain-frying magazine in existance. It's called Lucky (I think) and it is all about famous people and what they do and speculation about why they do it. DUMB! I will admit that I don't mind perusing an issue of People every now and then, but this was just a serious waste of time. However, it was either read that or watch the 1976 version of King Kong that was on the waiting room T.V. Take your pick.

They finally called me back around 4:30 p.m. I went into the X-Ray room and the assistant took pictures of my teeth. Nothing too weird so far. I was then lead to a cubicle with a dental chair in it and asked to sit down. The assistant told me she would get my X-rays and be right back. I sat there for about 10 minutes, texting Jay all the while to make sure Sasha was okay, since she was crying when I left her with him. (She was fine, btw). The room was unusually sterile. I was thinking, 'Where am I? This is unlike any dentist office I have ever seen.' It looked more like a wherehouse that had been sectioned off into tiny "offices". The only thing on the wall was a framed print-out of the California codes and proceedures on what I should do if I recieve unacceptable treatment. Good to know. How about a picture of a flower or a pretty landscape? Something to put my anxious mind at ease. What if the dentist finds something undesireable? I'd like to have something nice to look at while my mouth is being torn apart.

Suddently a man comes into the cubicle and asks me a few questions. He is young, possibly in college, and I assume that he is another dental assistent or a hygenist. He is asking me about my fillings and the reason why I am there. Then he leaves. He comes back with X-ray girl and my X-rays. He starts talking to me about how my fillings need to be replaced and that the X-ray shows that my teeth look good overall. During this conversation I figure out that he is not a dental hygenist, he is the dentist. How about an introduction? "Hi, my name is Dr. No Manners. How are you today? This is my assistant, Miss No Name." Duh! Did it ever occur to them that I cannot read their minds? Well, obviously not.

After the brief and confusing consultation with the dentist I was informed that my tarter would be removed and my teeth would be cleaned. Every dentist I have ever gone to has had the dental hygenist clean the teeth and scrap the tarter. So this was what I was expecting. I was not expecting a visit from alien teeth surgeons. Yikes! The dentist left and then returned with the assistant. They both had surgical face masks on and rubber gloves. The doctor reclined my chair and turned on the annoying light meant for your mouth but is almost always pointed toward your eyes (as it was in this case). I begin to wonder what's going on and why the dentist is still in the room. Then I hear a hig-pitched drill-like sound. There is some kind of metal gizmo moving toward my mouth. Here is my thought process at this point:

'OUCH! What are they doing? Teeth cleaning doesn't feel like this. Aren't they going to scrape my tarter first? What kind of machine is this? I didn't think that the cleaning machine vibrated so much.'

The drill-like machine turned off and the polish and tooth cleaning machine came out. What did they just do? The dentist began cleaning my teeth. Hmmm. They must have been scraping my tarter with that drill. Either that or they have imbedded some kind of homing device into my gums. Maybe I'll be able to get 101.9 The End through my fillings now. Chunga and Mister, here I come!

Oww! Could you slow down with that exuberant cleaning? My teeth aren't that dirty, are they? All I could see during this process was the bright teeth light and 4 gloved hands drilling, sucking, and squirting my teeth. Who are these masked avengers? Have I been beamed up to another dimention? Are Mulder and Scully going to come rescue me? I hope I can go home soon, I think my milk is letting down.

The light is turned off and the dentist removes his mask. "All done. See you in six months." Yeah right. Not unless I want green ooze inserted into my veins next time. Or worse. At least I'll have clean teeth.